QUALITY CARE CONNECTIONS

Letters from a Middle Alabama Caregiver

12-13-07

To Whom It May Concern:

I’m writing this letter to beg for help. This is not about me, but about my momma. I was asked to write you explaining all I do and what it involves to care for my momma in hopes to get more than 8 hours a week for her. It has taken a while for me to have the time to sit and truly think of everything that is involved with her care. I’m wanting to make sure to give you the best information possible so you can make the best decision possible. I have even spoken with the girl that works for us and keeps momma on the weekend for the 8 hours she now has. This being the time for me to truly get time off. Yes, Hospice comes Monday through Friday to bathe momma, but that is all they do. They come and stay 30 to 45 minutes at most, like I said to bathe, then they leave. During that time I do still work moving momma for them because they don’t move her at all. I am the one who picks her up and brings her in her wheelchair to her room and places her in bed. I then wait till they are done bathing and then have to pick her up again and wheel her back to the couch and lay her down there. Like I said, they do no lifting or moving at all for momma. On the following pages I will walk you through what just one day entails for momma and then hopefully you will be able to say yes, we need more hours of true help.

7:30 - 8:30 a.m. - Momma wakes and I get her up into her wheelchair and wheel her to the living room where I sit her on the potty. Then we move to the couch. I then strip her bed and place it in the washer for washing. I cook her breakfast. Then I sit with her helping her to eat and drink.

8:30 - 8:45 a.m. - I prepare all of momma’s medications, and then I sit giving her one pill at a time till they are all gone. She takes her time so she doesn’t choke. Most times she will have to go back on the potty now too.

8:45 - 9:00 a.m. - I get momma’s clothes and dress her on the couch. Place her robe on her and lay her on the couch, making sure to cover her good.

9:00 - 11:00 a.m. - This is the time I have to get my shower and start to cook dinner. Cooking dinner includes a full course meal. That’s the way momma was raised and so she believes that’s how it goes. So keeping in mind through all of this I still have to keep an eye on momma. She doesn’t feel like being alone. As she says, you know, in case of thirst, needing to pee, or pain of some kind.

11:00 - 12:00 p.m. - My brother Mike comes to eat dinner. So momma, Mike and I all eat together. At this time my brother helps to sit momma up on the couch and he helps me put her on the potty. We place her back on the couch and he will sit with her long enough for me to get the kitchen picked up from cooking dinner.

12:00 - 3:00 p.m. - Momma likes to lie quietly on the couch and watch her soaps while sleeping on and off. I use this time to slip in and out of the living room to get all of the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put up. Now I try to get the living room, hallway, bathroom, momma’s room, my room, kitchen, and dining room all cleaned, dusted, swept, and mopped.

3:00 - 3:45 p.m. - Afternoon medication is taken at this time. Again one pill at a time so no choking. Change momma’s shirt. Why? She says because I can. I also place momma back on the potty for her daily bowel movement. Place her back on the couch, clean her up, and clean her potty. Then I usually have to feed her a snack. Sometime in here I will also run to the mailbox to get the mail.

3:45 - 5:30 p.m. - While keeping a close eye on momma I cook supper now. Again a full course supper is all we eat.

5:30 - 6:30 p.m. - My brother Mike comes, and my sister Bonnie comes when she can. We all eat together. One of them will usually feed momma for me. They call this my break, when we’re eating. On the days my sister comes she will clean the kitchen for me while I sit with momma and my brother. A lot of time I also just sit in my room and read for 30 minutes or so. If she’s not here Mike will sit with her while I clean the kitchen. Then we both help with letting her potty.

6:30 - 8:30 p.m. - Momma likes to watch her favorite TV shows now. I sit with her and read through the mail. Also helping with potty or any other needs.

8:45 - 10:00 p.m. - Momma will sit and finish watching her TV shows. I use this time to finish going thru the mail and trying to get a few bills paid. I also try to figure up the household financial end of things too. Momma will also be fed a snack during this time.

10:00 - 10:30 p.m. - I get Momma up from the couch and wheel her to her bedroom. There I dress her for bed, clean her dentures, and brush her teeth. We brush her hair and then I place her into her bed for sleep.

10:30 - 11:00 p.m. - I strip the couch down and wash it all and make it back with fresh linens and pads for the next day. I get her clothes ready for tomorrow. I also figure out the meals for the next day and do any prep that they require.

11:00 - 11:30 p.m. - I get myself ready for bed. I believe momma has it timed because about the time I am about to climb into bed she yells to go potty. When I finish I climb thankfully into my bed. Mind you that I have a baby monitor system set up so during the night I can hear momma yell for help. She wakes me at least twice if not more during the night. She calls for the potty or pain or needing to be rolled and repositioned.

Hospice comes to give momma her bath Monday through Friday like I said. They come anywhere between the hours of 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. They stay just long enough to get momma bathed and then they are gone. Also keep in mind that I’m helping throughout the bath. Our CNA said she would love to speak with you if you needed any information from her or if she could help at all. She sits with momma every Saturday and Sunday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. We could really use her help more. When she’s here I get to leave the house and do for myself and get all the errands done that are needed. Things like grocery shopping, picking up medications, or just doing something for me. Please find it in your hearts to grant us more than 8 hours a week, I love my momma, but how good will I be burnt out?

Thank you!

03-08

To Whom It May Concern:

I’m writing this letter to let you know how much this program has helped my family. For me, the caregiver, I have gotten to go to the dentist which I have not been able to do in 2 years. i also have gotten to go to the doctors and get more personal health updates for myself. It hasn’t been all medical benefits that I have received. I’ve also been given the chance to emotionally recharge. Thru the time that I have received, that allows me to get to the doctors and all, it has given me a peace of mind that has relaxed me. Also since it has given us time apart it has given me a greater respect for the time we do have together. Just knowing that there is a break in our time ahead makes the hard times easier to handle. Not only have I been able to take better medical care of myself and to recharge emotionally, I feel as though I’ve been able to live for my family too. My aunt who by the way is dying, I’ve been able to visit with her and catch up with other family that I’ve lost physical contact with. I’ve always had phone contact, but it’s never the same as being there face to face with hugs and kisses. I’m so thankful for that time. I’ve only been granted that time due to this program.

Now for my mother, this program has been a god send, she loves it! She not only gets to see and talk to someone else other than family, she knows that I’m being helped also. One of her biggest fears has always been that she would be nothing but a burden on me since I have told her that as long as god prevails, she will never see the inside of a nursing home. Just knowing that I’ve got help has made her feel more at ease, She now knows that my life is also being taken care of along with all of her needs. She says that because of this program we have gone from living one life to now being able to live two. As it should be.

Now that we’ve shared some of our thanks for the program, I want to make it very clear how important this program is. My momma and I both believe that this program is of great importance to people in these times of need. One of our ongoing prayers is that this program will continue for years and years to come. Even if in ten years time, this program only touches say four other families the way it has touched mine, it would be worth it. Although I do know it will touch every family that receives it, because with the right help and loving people, anything is possible! Again, thank you so much for this program and please keep it funded and running for years to come.